Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Would You Rather Be Right, or Liked?

Someone once asked me this question. And now I'm asking you.

Before you answer, think about it. Would you rather know that you're right, even at the risk of being disliked by others... or would you rather be popular, even if it means you have to sacrifice the opportunity to state your opinion?

For most of us, the answer's not black and white. And in fact, most of us fall somewhere to the left or right of center.

There are those of us who will generally keep our mouths shut in order to avoid unpleasantness -- rather be liked -- but only up to a point. And there are those who will say just about anything to anyone to prove their point, even if it angers others -- rather be right -- but not so much so that we do any significant damage.

Those who are most extreme in their approaches are also the ones who must sacrifice the most. Try too hard to prove how smart you are, and you'll be lonely, ostracized, probably not getting to far in your career and lacking meaningful relationships. Try too hard to please others, and you'll just be a pushover, generally feeling bad about yourself and not getting what you really need out of your job, your relationships, your life.

The real key to success is finding that midpoint. And no surprise, this is what The SuperSkill is really all about.

Strive to understand others, their needs and wants, their perspectives and opinions, their personalities and idiosyncracies. And then work to express your thoughts and desires, points-of-view and feelings, in a manner that is in sync with theirs.

It's not always possible. Sometimes you have to make that choice -- right or liked.

But in the vast majority of cases, you can successfully express yourself while at the same time making people feel good about themselves and you at the same time.

Would you rather be right, or liked?

Why not be both?